The Rake Magazine

Category: Blog Post

  • Chop It Off

    My squat little body houses a record number of physical calamities. If
    you have read my latest published story, "Pharma Chameleon," (in the
    March issue of The Rake) you already know that I’m pretty much a bubble
    boy. My latest impediment is a Pterigium (kind of like a nasty veiny weed) on my right eye. As the weird red growth pushes on my pupil, the formerly blue eye is now always bloodshot and weeping. The Pterigium was caused from my over exposure to sunlight. For
    the last fifteen years, I’ve worked outside in the raw elements of
    Minnesota and my eye has been sun scalded, sand blasted, and singed
    with diesel fumes and rancid blue collar profanity. If you are a stoner college kid named Scroggins perma red eyes are no big deal. But I’m 35, and a dad and shit. It isn’t cool to look "Cheeched" when you take your kid to the neighborhood park. I decided to have the growth cut off my eye and undergo ocular reconstructive surgery.

    On the day of my recent surgery, a chipper surgical nurse hooked me up to all sorts of tubes in the pre-op station. She gave me a quizzical look.

    "Are you from the Caribbean?" She asked me. I found the question dumbfounding because I’m as white as Larry Bird.

    "Ugh, no," I replied. "Why?"

    "Most people who have this thingy on their eye spend a lot of time on the ocean," she told me. "So you aren’t a surfer?"

    I assured the nurse that I was indeed no surfer, and that in fact, when it came to swimming, my body was an anvil in the water. A
    few minutes later, my stone faced surgeon breezed in, flipped through
    my chart, stared down at me, wrote the word "right" on a piece of tape
    and stuck it to my face to make sure he fixed the correct eye.

    Then the horror show started. After I was knocked out with anesthesia, I came out too early and awoke in the surgery room during the surgery! I couldn’t move a muscle, but I could see and feel the doctor poking around in my eye socket. My eye was held open with some sort of clamp and I watched the doctor use tweezers on my eyeball. I laid there limp but completely freaking out, anxiety surging through my limbs. I let out a low grumble. The surgeon heard it and snapped, "He’s up! Put him back down!" A medical team scurried around and soon drugs slowly trickled in and the lights began to fade. As I drifted off, I could actually see the surgeon gluing membranes onto my eyeball to help heal the incision. When I woke up in the recovery room, I had humungous white gauze over the eye that looked like the largest maxi pad in history. It was bad enough that I woke up Alfred Hitchcock style during surgery. But
    now I had a feminine hygiene product stuck to my face that my smartass
    brother Tony kept telling people was for my "vagina eye."

    I was blinded for a few days. As my surgically repaired eye adjusted to the new world, I could only keep my eyes open for short periods. My wife rented the hit movie "Eastern Promises" starring the Oscar nominated actor Viggio Mortensen for me to watch. But I couldn’t even see straight so I laid down at the end of the bed and listened to the movie as she watched it. When
    the famous "naked knife fight" scene (in which the hunky actor goes
    bare assed and fights two dudes in a sauna) came on, Sarah
    enthusiastically called out, "You’ve got to see this!" I
    opened my one good eye only to see Viggio Mortensen’s stubby little
    dick darting around on the screen about two inches from my face. It damn near blinded me for life. I shrieked away from the T.V., the actor’s hairy ball sack burning into my cornea forever.

    A month later, a fleshy growth appeared on the eye. It was so gross my wife wouldn’t even look at me. When we got married, apparently the whole "in sickness and health" part of the ceremony was optional. I went back to the surgeon and he reexamined the eye.

    "The fleshy deposit is due to the eye not healing properly," he told me. "But the good news is that I can CHOP IT OFF right here." Now those are three words no patient ever wants to hear. Chop. It. Off. He tilted me back and casually scraped off the growth as if he was using a deli meat slicer at Cub Foods.

    To protect my eye from any further sun damage, I now wear a white golf bucket hat and dark sunglasses. Sure, the surgery was great and it restored my vision. But
    now I look exactly like one of those perverts you see on that hit NBC
    show "To Catch a Predator" where sleazy incognito middle age men creep
    around suburban houses trolling for teenage girls.

    But at least I don’t have a vagina eye anymore.

  • W.I.F.E.

    "We would probably have a better shot of
    winning the Power ball lottery than having our wives wear this!"

    This was sent to me by my former boyfriend, who is now my good buddy, Rob Vinton. Yes, he is the son of Bobby Vinton, and we met here on a show about

    being the Child of a Celebrity—(Good Company) KSTP TV—in the ’80s.

    The interesting story about Rob is that he played his father Bobbie Vinton in the movie

    GOODFELLAS. Rob is now the Musical Conductor-Road Manager-and handsome bass

    guitarist on the Bobby Vinton Musical Tour.

    Small world in the creative field.

  • Duh. Duh. Duh, Duh Duh?

    If you are going to review films, as my USC intern used to say, then start at the top. So here is my review of Iron Man.

    Because Iron Man is more of a movie than a film, I am not sure what to say. Films engage you. Movies distract you.

    To be honest, Iron Man may well be a film if it weren’t for its one overarching distraction. I waited, as did others, for "the riff." The riff that could be the greatest in hard rock history (so some say). So why does John Farveau wait until the credits to hit us with Ozzy’s opus?

    Oh, and not to, like, totally spoil the fil, um, movie for you but there is one other distraction. Iron Man spends most of his time driving the same Audi R8 I covered in my "How Clinton Wrecked His Ferrari" post.

    Iron Man keeps a full house of cars that are far better than the R8. Try a Saleen S7 — 700 Hp and 750 lb. Or what is surely a replica 427 Cobra and something that looks like a bespoke British exotic (the Ascari perhaps…I’ll place it soon).

    You know, I really don’t know what else to say. Jeff Bridges is bad (as in good) and Iron Man’s suit is b-a-m-f-chillierthankatarinawitt.

    I am distracted.

    P.S. No, my blog picture (taken at the Akron OH public library) ain’t Robert DJ, but then it’s not Sabbath playing "duh, duh, duh, duh, duh" in the movie credits.

    Duh-A-AH-um.

     

     

     

     

  • Acadia Cafe: Shades of the New Riv

    I felt a twinge of nostalgia the other night when I stopped
    in for a bite at the Acadia Café, which recently moved from Franklin and
    Nicollet to Cedar and Riverside. Back in my college days – and for many years
    after, the space was home to the New Riverside Café, run by an anarchist
    collective. In the early years, there were no fixed prices – you were supposed
    to "Eat what you need, pay what you can afford." A sign invited
    customers to practice dishwashing yoga, and I did, once or twice. I remember
    great acoustic music, and a couple of slogans “No Meat, No Bosses” and “The
    Bio-Magnetic Center of the Universe.”
    That was a time of revolutionary dreams and great optimism. Gradually,
    most of that spirit faded away, and the New Riv finally closed because of money
    troubles in 1997.

    But there was something about the Arcadia that evokes a
    little of that spirit – mostly, it’s the busy program of live original music ("no cover songs allowed".
    On Wednesday, when I stopped in, ace accordion player Dan Newton, leader of the
    Café Accordion Orchestra, had put together a program that started with him
    playing with Prairie Home Companion guitarist Pat Donohue at 9 p.m., followed
    by Orkestar Bez Ime playing Balkan Music at 10 p.m., and
    the Mill City Grinders, an old-time string band, at 11. (Dan and the Café
    Accordion Orchestra played at our wedding, so Carol and I are big fans.) We
    couldn’t stick around for the music, but I did have a first-rate Swiss and
    mushroom burger with skin-on fries ($7.25). A note on the menu says the beef comes from humanely raised animals. Carol’s appetizer order of fish and
    chips were a bit greasy, but still good enough to be enjoyable.

    The food menu is pretty basic – burgers, nachos,
    cheese curds, hot and cold sandwiches, but the beer list is one of the best in
    the Twin Cities – 28 beers on tap, and another 40 in bottles, including some
    brews I have never seen before, like a Furthermore
    Knot Stock American Pale Ale from Spring Green, Wisconsin ($4 a pint), and a dozen bottled
    Belgian beers.

    If you park in the ImPark lot behind Midwest Mountaineering, they’ll validate your ticket for up to two hours on weekdays, or all day on weekends.

    Acadia Cafe, 329 Cedar Ave., Minneapolis, 612-874-8702.

  • A Minimalist, Light Approach to Shakespeare

    There are two things that need to be done, I think, when adapting a Shakespeare play. First, respects must be paid to the language — the actors must own their lines, the director must choose the emphases that suit his/her interpretation best. And second, the cast must act as translators, using their bodies to re-interpret the script and make it relatable for the modern audience, so that thumb-biting, say, can actually be perceived as an offense. For the most part, Four Humors Theater’s staging of Romeo and Juliet, showing this weekend and next at the Bedlam Theater, accomplishes these tasks.

    It’s a minimal production. Romeo (Jason Bohon) wears jeans and a hoodie; Juliet (Elise Langer) is in a jersey dress. (Both sport ergonomically designed Puma sneakers.) Aside from a tire swing and a couple moveable screen doors, the set is mostly bare, which is nice — there’s no gimmickry.

    Director Jason Ballweber has taken obvious pains to make this an intimate performance. When Romeo wanders into the crowd and begins to direct his speech to audience members, there’s a genuine feel to it; it seems he’s actually speaking to the theatergoers, not just reciting his lines in one’s personal space. Throughout, Bohon sustains his role well. He plays a thoughtful Romeo, humanizing the character’s rather absurd (rather pubescent) passions and moods — he’s gloomy, sure, but never becomes melodramatically morose.

    Likewise, Langer adds a good bit of levity to Juliet’s character. She delivers her speeches like a fourteen-year-old girl talking to her friend on the phone — a sort of rapid-fire, valley-esque style that makes one believe she has butterflies fluttering in her head. At first it’s a bit hard to get used to — she’s rushing through the lines and it’s difficult to catch the meaning of the bard’s words — but after a scene or two, when the audience is able to settle in, it’s actually delightful. Impressive, even.

    Finally, Kimberly Richardson turns out a fantastic performance as Juliet’s nurse. Ballweber has invested a particular amount of weight in this role, turning the nurse into one of Shakespeare’s ‘fool’ characters, as from Twelfth Night or Puck from A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Dressed something like Mrs. Doubtfire, she’s the wise old lady with her fingers in everyone’s business, her ward’s interests closest to her heart. Maybe the most effective scene of the play is late in the second act when Juliet and her nurse meet in the Capulets’ orchard. The nurse has just come from the friar’s with news of Juliet’s wedding, and Juliet has to wring it out from her. The nurse paces up and down the bowling-lane-like stage, feigning woe, avoiding Juliet’s questions, causing her to go into something like hysteria. And then, just as the audience is beginning to wonder how serious she is, Richardson flashes a quick smile to the crowd, letting us in on her joke, before she goes on tormenting the young lover.

    It’s a good, light approach to the play — typical of the Four Humors style that has won them so much praise in the last few years. When the minstrels begin to sing a medieval rendition of "Gin and Juice," one is reminded of the 4HT production of Bards, wherein the chorus de-modified the Wu-Tang Clan’s "C.R.E.A.M."

    At times, though — especially in the first few acts — the staging sacrifices feeling for humor. The balcony scene is where we first get a real look at Juliet’s flighty character, and here she seems a bit too concerned with making sure the audience knows how cute she is than with her connection to Romeo. Also, though a Shakespeare play isn’t a Shakespeare play without a little cross-dressing, casting choices make the exchanges between Mercutio and Benvolio often seem ripped from an episode of Will and Grace.

    That said, the airy first half makes the darkness of the second half that much more clear. When the tragedy begins to unfold, we haven’t been so bogged down by melancholy that we can’t stomach anymore. Rather, we’re ready for the sadness when it comes, and as tragicomedies go,
    it is all the more poignant.

  • You Belong — and So Does Mom

    THEATER & PERFORMANCE
    Baby Got Curves

    Certainly the theme of body image is nothing new. In fact, we’ve come to expect it from plays (or any art, for that matter) about women. Why don’t I look like the models in the magazines? Why can’t I be thinner? Why can’t my breasts be larger, rounder, firmer? Why can’t my waist be smaller, flatter, firmer? Why can’t my hair be blonder, straighter, longer? Clearly, we have issues being happy with who we are. Real Women Have Curves, written by Josefina Lopez, follows a young, first-generation Mexican-American woman as she struggles with her body image and tries to find balance between her mainstream ambitions and her more traditional cultural heritage and upbringing. The critically acclaimed play (which inspired the award-winning HBO film with America Ferrera) offers a microcosm of the Latina immigrant experience and celebrates real women’s bodies, the power of women, and the incredible bond that happens when women work together. This weekend, Teatro del Pueblo kicks off their all-female production, which includes a brand new interactive fashion show to promote greater engagement with the play’s themes of body image and how this affects women, both Latino and non-Latino, in our society today.

    Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m., Sunday at 2 p.m. and 7 p.m., The Paul and Sheila Wellstone Community Center, Old Neighborhood House, 179 Robie St. E., St. Paul; 651-224-8806; $18 (students/seniors/frnge $15)

    ART
    Why You Belong

    On the other side of the river, at the Chambers, Beijing and Minnesota artists come together to address a similar theme — belonging. Curator and Chambers Art Director Jennifer Phelps — with assistance from Cheryl Wilgren Clyne, University of Minnesota MFA student — has chosen 28 photographs (from over 400 image submissions) for Why You Belong, an exhibit of photographs from the Beijing Film Academy and the University of Minnesota. Artists include Coo Chang, Dude Guo, Luo Fei Hong, Zhang Jia Qing, Song Jing, Li Ning and Zhu Yu, WEN Min, Shi Pengfei, Chen Ping Ping, Wang Yanshu, Su Zhi Gang, Zhou Tao, Rea Xiao, Zhan Xiao Dan, Tang Xuan, Liu Xiaolong, Gao Xinwei, Sonja Peterson, Tang Meng, James Henkel, Juanita Berrio, Peter Haakon Thompson, Andrew Schroeder, Jan Estep, Gary Hallman, Justin Newhall, Cheryl Wilgren Clyne, Chris Baker, and Andrew Schroeder.

    Opening Reception on Friday from 6 to 9 p.m., Burnet Art Gallery, Chambers, 901 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis; 612-767-6900.

    MUSIC
    Talib Kweli

    If someone can tell you why he belongs, though, it’s probably Talib Kweli. Talib Kweli — seeker of truth (that’s what his name means). The man is probably one of the best-known rappers in alternative hip hip. Kweli first gained recognition through Black Star, a collaboration with fellow MC Mos Def. While his lyrics contain plenty of street and ghetto in them, like Tupac, Kweli comes from a highly-educated arts background. This, too, is evident in his lyrics, which — again, like Tupac’s — are far more intelligent, strong, and proud than much of the recent watered down dollars-and-ass rap. "Freedom’s a road that’s seldom traveled, watch hell unravel / Right before the eyes of the soldier who fell in battle / The single mother who raised her daughter to bear the sacred water / And not take the hand of every man who make a offer / To black kids wishin they white kids, when they close they eyelids / Like, ‘I bet they neighborhood ain’t like this’ / White kids wishin they black kids, and wanna talk like rappers / It’s all backwards it’s identity crisis." Kweli is in town this weekend to promote his latest album, Ear Drum, which features some hot collaborators (Kanye West, Roy Ayers, Jean Grae, Peter Rock, KRS-One, and even Justin Timberlake and Norah Jones), accessible beats, and Kweli’s staple of insightful, rhythmically drilling lyrics.

    Friday at 10 p.m. (doors at 7), EPIC Nightclub, 110 N. Fifth St., Minneapolis; 612-332-3742; $30.


    An Epic Mother’s Day

    Sunday is Mother’s Day, of course, and I’m guessing Talib Kweli isn’t quite mom’s thing. But Epic’s Sunday show might be. R&B sensation El DeBarge will be performing with his live band. Mom is sure to remember "Rhythm of the Night," "All This Love," and "Who’s Holding Donna Now." Heck, she might even have a warm place in her heart for "Who’s Johnny?" Surprise her by turning back the hands of time — there’s nothing moms love more — and treating her to a night out on the town, VIP style, like she deserves. Ladies in the VIP sections will each receive a complimentary rose and glass of champagne.

    Sunday at 8:30 p.m. (doors at 7), EPIC Nightclub, 110 N. Fifth St., Minneapolis; 612-332-3742; $30, $45 VIP, $60 VIP Table (Bottle Service).

    FILM & MUSIC
    The Plácido Domingo 40th Anniversary Gala Concert

    Ok. Not all moms march to the beat of El Debarge. It’s true. Perhaps Mom would prefer one of the world’s greatest tenors — and a sexy ole bugger at that. This weekend, Plácido Domingo takes the L.A. Opera into movie theatres for the first time, as Landmark Theatres hosts screenings of The Plácido Domingo 40th Anniversary Gala Concert. The concert celebrates the fortieth anniversary of Domingo’s first professional appearance in Los Angeles and features arias and duets sung by Domingo and the internationally acclaimed soprano Patricia Racette. Music Director James Conlon conducts the L.A. Opera Orchestra for a perfect Mother’s Day concert.

    Sunday at 2 p.m., Landmark’s Lagoon Cinema, 1320 Lagoon Ave., Minneapolis.

    FILM
    Annual MCTC Media Generation Cinema Festival

    Of course, there are other great film offerings earlier in the weekend. On friday night, Cinema Division Students at MCTC present their Annual Media Generat
    ion Cinema Festival — like the Oscars, but kinkier. Enjoy a full range of visuals and sounds, popcorn and other yummy treats, two raffles (with a chance to win a $100 gift certificate from Best Buy and a brand new Blue-Ray/HD combo DVD player), awards, and great entertainment — even with adult material.

    Friday from 6-9 p.m., Whitney Fine Arts Theater, Minneapolis Community and Technical College, 1501 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis; free.

    Son of Rambow

    And this weekend is also the opening of Son of Rambow. Director Garth Jennings’s (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)
    semi-autobiographical story is sweet and funny with a heartwarming
    narrative about the forming of a true friendship. Jennings made his own
    versions of First Blood as a child and coupled those
    experiences with some stories from producer Nick Goldsmith’s childhood
    to assemble the initial script. Schoolmates
    Will Proudfoot (Bill Milner) and Lee Carter (Will Poulter) are the
    unlikeliest of pairs. They meet by pure chance when Lee gets
    expelled from his classroom for disobedience and encounters Will, who
    is sitting in the hallway because his family’s beliefs, as members of
    The Brethren evangelical christian movement, preclude him from watching
    television or even films shown at school. Lee proceeds to get Will in
    trouble, as well, and blackmails him into paying him a fee for taking
    the blame. Thus, their dysfunctional friendship begins. Lee then guilts Will into coming over to his house, where he is exposed to his first movie … a pirated copy of First Blood that
    Lee filmed at a local movie theater for his brother’s bootlegging
    business. Hilarity ensues when Will gets swept up in the action and
    agrees to star in Lee’s makeshift re-make of the film. —Christopher Kelleher (read his full review)

    Starts Friday at the Lagoon Theater.

    EXPO
    Elder Care Expo

    This isn’t quite a Mother’s Day outing — although it can certainly improve your mother’s well-being — but Minnesota’s first-ever Elder Care Expo is also being held this weekend. Are you responsible for some aspect of finances of healthcare for a family member over 65? Have you experiences stress and frustrations navigating through today’s elder care system? The Elder Care Expo brings together government agencies, nonprofits, private organizations to help provides the answers and support that you so desperately need.

    Friday and Saturday from 9 a.m. – 7 p.m., Education Building, Minnesota State Fairgrounds, 1265 Snelling Ave. N., St. Paul; 651.204.0266; $8.

    SHOPPING
    Luna Vinca Mother’s Day Sale

    And don’t let Mother’s Day hit you with nothing in hand. I mean, come on, folks: this woman birthed you (or at least someone, right?)! Not quite sure how to reward her for that? Perhaps the folks of Luna Vinca can help. Jennifer Guion, owner of Luna Vinca and an award-winning floral designer, will be cooking up her fabulous flower arrangements. And Alissa Karges, the creator of FS Jewelry, will work with you to find the perfect piece of jewelry for mom. What mom doesn’t like flowers and jewelry? (Hmm… come to think of it, mine prefers books and music, but… she weird.)

    Saturday from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., Luna Vinca, 3344 Hennepin Ave. S., Minneapolis; 612.823.6178.

  • Son of Rambow

    The name Son of Rambow
    conjures images of some hot young actor like Shia LaBeouf trekking
    through the mountains of Afghanistan, dodging Taliban attacks while
    searching for a captured Sylvester Stallone. Rest assured, this is not
    what you will get from this refreshingly creative twist on the coming-of-age genre.

    Director Garth Jennings’s (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)
    semi-autobiographical story is sweet and funny with a heartwarming
    narrative about the forming of a true friendship. Jennings made his own
    versions of First Blood as a child and coupled those
    experiences with some stories from producer Nick Goldsmith’s childhood
    to assemble the initial script.

    Schoolmates
    Will Proudfoot (Bill Milner) and Lee Carter (Will Poulter) are the
    unlikeliest of pairs. They meet by pure chance when Lee gets
    expelled from his classroom for disobedience and encounters Will, who
    is sitting in the hallway because his family’s beliefs, as members of
    The Brethren evangelical christian movement, preclude him from watching
    television or even films shown at school. Lee proceeds to get Will in
    trouble, as well, and blackmails him into paying him a fee for taking
    the blame. Thus, their dysfunctional friendship begins.

    Lee then guilts Will into coming over to his house, where he is exposed to his first movie … a pirated copy of First Blood that
    Lee filmed at a local movie theater for his brother’s bootlegging
    business. Hilarity ensues when Will gets swept up in the action and
    agrees to star in Lee’s makeshift re-make of the film.

    The filming of the movie begins with the two friends having a great time acting out scenes from First Blood
    with a reckless abandon that only two young and fearless boys could
    muster, making for some fun and amusing scenes. But things start to get
    complicated as fellow students begin to hear about the film and the
    making of the movie interferes with the boys’ commitments to their
    families, and vice versa.

    Lee
    is constantly on edge due to an undying loyalty to his self-centered
    and manipulative brother who, despite all his flaws, is closer to him
    than his absent parents. Will’s family, on the other hand, wants to spend all their time together in prayerful solitude, but the
    lure of starring in a movies becomes too tempting. His mother is being
    courted by one of the elders of the group, who influences her to take a
    firmer grip on Will’s activities.

    The
    plot gets even more complicated as some of the boys’ fellow students
    hear about the movie and want to participate … notably the popular
    new French exchange student Didier. As their friends begin to get more
    and more involved, mostly at Will’s request, and familial obligations
    present themselves, there becomes a rift in the two boys’ relationship.
    While filming the final scene, an automobile accident threatens to end
    the film and the boys’ relationship altogether.

    The mixture of slapstick humor and heartwarming drama make Son of Rambow a unique fresh treat for moviegoers. The
    rich cast of characters, including the members of The Brethren, Didier
    and his entourage and Lee’s self-centered older brother are a welcome
    homage to some of the great coming of age comedies of the 1980’s like Better Off Dead and Weird Science. But there is a genuineness to Son of Rambow that leaves you laughing, but warm and fuzzy, at the same time … something you wouldn’t have gotten from a Son of Rambo movie.

    Starts Friday at the Lagoon Theater.

  • GOP BDSM

    As the debate at the capitol starts to sound eerily Tyra-inspired, it’s
    important to note that, according to The Defenestrator’s highly-knowledgeable sources, had House and Senate
    leadership handled Pawlenty’s veto of the Central Corridor differently, many of the problems the DFL caucus has with Tim
    Pawlenty’s demands likely would have been non-issues. As
    things stand, (or sit, bound and gagged to a chair, really) Sen. Steve "Technicolor
    Dreamcoat    " Murphy and Rep. Margaret Kelliher are in dire need of Mick
    Jagger’s sage counsel, not to mention a safe word:

    You see, the DFL caucus blew their proverbial wad when the
    veto of the Central Corridor came down. Rather than allowing the public to
    comment on this great disturbance in the Force, the one that felt as if
    millions of public transit users cried out in terror and were suddenly
    silenced, the DFL legislators tipped their hand, letting Gov. Pawlenty know
    just how desperately they
    craved the long sinuous track     running sensuously through Frogtown’s deepest
    and most secret crevices. And while the train is rather important, the fiscal solvency
    of Minnesota’s
    cities would seem to be even more important than joining hands and riding the love train.

    And what could possibly threaten our urban areas enough to
    risk jeopardizing quiet and comfortable public transit to our finest
    ethnic
    eateries?
    Simple – in a bizarre twist, our executive branch wants to play nanny. Not to
    any delicious babies, of course – he prefers free range – but to property
    owners. It’s no secret that our governor has not enjoyed the nigh-daily dirty
    sanchez     he receives from irate constituents and opponents who blame him for
    stratospheric hikes in property taxes. And it’s true that, while he may not
    exert direct control over said taxes, his cuts in local government aid and
    other funding has forced our cities and towns to look for revenue in other
    places…like our homes. Now that he has the DFL caucus bound, gagged, and
    spread-eagled, Timmy has decided that the best way to address the situation is
    to place a cap on those property taxes. Of course, out of the goodness of his
    heart he tied it to the consumer price index to account for inflation – his
    version of the reach-around. Too bad he has freakishly short arms.

    While Gov. Pawlenty’s concern for the taxpaying public is
    like a warm fuzzy blanket made from the fur of 1,000 virgin kittens, the
    consequences to urban areas could be disastrous. Minneapolis
    and St. Paul were forced to drop the quality of
    essential services during the last downturn, shedding police and fire
    department employees, not to mention Minneapolis
    residents’ unrequited desire to borrow books on Sundays. Given that no one
    wants to see Minneapolis
    cops any more surly,
    hamstringing one of the cities’ primary sources of funds seems like a
    profoundly bad idea. The sort of idea that would come from the diseased mind of
    a crack-addled human/badger crossbreed, actually.

    This is not to say the DFL’s magical new formula for
    determining property tax refunds is sent down from the heavens, carried by
    rainbow riding valkyries singing show tunes. Capping property taxes at 2
    percent of income for anyone earning less than $100,000 would make the tax code
    more progressive, but there are far simpler ways to accomplish that goal – like
    perhaps actually making the tax code progressive. Wacky idea, I know, but it
    just might work.

    In any case, the legislative session continues on unabated
    despite the governor’s hand wrapped firmly around the collective genitalia of the
    DFL caucus, squeezing more tightly every day. The only question remaining is
    just how much will the legislature sacrifice to preserve its precious precious light
    rail. And whether Rep. Kelliher and Gov. Pawlenty agreed on a safe word. The
    variable that still remains to be determined, of course, is what DFL legislature has to give up in exchange for freedom.
    Delicious. Tantalizing.
    Freedom.    .

  • One-Stop Guide to Development Sites in MSP

    Today was the launch of MetroMSP —  a new Web site that offers companies and site selectors instant access to comprehensive and
    crucial marketplace information about available commercial, industrial
    and retail sites in the 11-county Minneapolis Saint Paul metro region.

    The Web site covers the anchor cities of Minneapolis, Saint Paul, and
    Bloomington, as well as Anoka, Carver, Chisago, Dakota,
    Hennepin, Isanti, Ramsey, Scott, Sherburne, Washington, and Wright counties.

    The site catalogues and displays more than
    5,000 industrial, manufacturing, office, and retail properties. The
    database includes essential details about each location, including
    taxes, available utilities, legal descriptions, and photographs.

    Each property links to an interactive map that displays important
    information about the surrounding area, such as highways, airports,
    railways, lakes and rivers, educational institutions, retail centers,
    and parks. In addition, existing businesses are mapped by industry, so
    users can view the local landscape for potential partners, customers
    and competitors.

    Users also can click on links to connect them directly with a selected site’s real estate broker or city/county/chamber contact.

    Besides profiling specific development sites, MetroMSP.org showcases
    the region’s exceptional quality of life, including its high national
    rankings in categories ranging from health care to education to
    cultural amenities.

  • The Echo Nest Enables Personalized Music Experience

    This just in:

    The Echo Nest, a music intelligence
    company providing enhanced music search, recommendation and
    interactivity technology to online music companies, launched its second
    hosted application, "Recommend," today.

    Recommend is an application programming interface or "API" that helps
    music services personalize their websites to each visitor’s unique
    music taste.  Any music website — bloggers, social networks, Internet
    radio or retailers — can easily access the Recommend API to offer users
    better music discovery tools.

    …

    The Echo Nest is offering a free version and "Recommend Unlimited" a
    fee-based, more feature-rich version of the API. To celebrate the
    release of Recommend, The Echo Nest is offering free "Unlimited"
    accounts to the first 100 small music websites who register for API
    access at http://the.echonest.com/.